Monthly Archives: November 2025

The Journey from Dating to Marriage

November 27, 2025Communityadmin

A. Introduction

While after the wedding day people go to the honeymoon, actually, honeymoon begins the time you start dating. So, let’s start at the beginning
* Take it from the day you meet the girl to access her. Depending on a person ,you shower her with presents or you simply talk your story through.
** When the time that you are given what you have been asking for, your honeymoon begins.
***You start to kiss and go on to making love. Every time you go on a date it is honeymoon. Everything is all right.
**** This goes on until you get to be introduced to families and then get married.

B. Umjolo aka Dating

After months of being a suitor, you finally get accepted. What now??? You were not prepared to be accepted. You go home. You forget even to go and brag to your friends. Your mind is worried, even stressed. You have been talking with your friends about this. You know it very well.

Knowing about it is never the same as knowing it. To completely say you know it, it takes practice. It is important for me to tell you something. You must recognize that you are in the process of learning. Every experience is different. Allow yours to take place. So, go home. Let your thoughts flow.

Tomorrow will come and you will get the second chance. You find yourself kissing and talking. Your comedian self comes into action. You wonder if it is really you in love. Everything is honeymoon. You go out and eat ice cream. Some days you go for picnic. You enjoy nature. Birds chirping in a blue sky.

One day, you talk to yourself. “All is well with our mjolo. I love my girlfriend and I believe she loves me too.” Little do you know that some hunk is falling for your girlfriend. One day your girlfriend while going on her way she meets this classy classic car driving guy. They talk. Your girlfriend finds herself inside this elegant car. She fails to keep quiet and finds herself praising the car. She never recognize the fact that she was praising the owner of the car. She was falling in love not knowing it.

The next time she saw her boyfriend, she behaved in the sense that she despised him. He began to be possessed by confusion. This kept frustrating him. It was too late for him. The more he tried, the more he seemed foolish. Finally, he accepted his fate and moved on . By moving on I mean he forgot about her.

He began to realise that this was a learning curve for him. His mind told him he had to work hard to keep a girlfriend. He went to trains to sell peanuts. Back then the packet was 2 cents. All the same he continued until he upgraded with cigarettes. His stock grew. In the next months he added a box of apples and banana. He had to settle down and have a table. Unlike today, that was easy then.

One day he saw a beautiful woman among a group of women. One 💓 said this one is yours. The other 💓 reminded him of the past. For a wink he thought about this. When he came back all these women were inside the train. One man asked for a cigarette. The other person asked for apples. All happened so fast. The train left. His thoughts went back to the woman. Will he ever meet her again?

There were no cell phones. There was no social media. Even if he wanted to start looking, he was doomed. He prayed that night that they meet again. He had began the change of clothes. He always wore the cologne. Even though he was a street/station vendor he was presentable. Days passed. They turned to weeks. He was even beginning to forget her.

Then, lady luck visited his corner. There she was in front of him. For a moment he got caught staring straight into her eyeballs. The woman was also stunned. She had never got that attention before. She even forgot to buy. Eventually a customer at the side broke the silence. She wanted bananas. “Do you have bananas?” He wondered why she asked as they were in front of her. “Yes R1,50 each.” She took them and left.

The two strangers went back to their staring. You wonder if both of them loved the attention they were getting or the boy was hesitant. Finally the boy started the conversation. “How can I help you?” The woman looked down browsing with her eyes on the table. “Mix bananas and apples, don’t forget to add nuts.” The boy smiled and said, “what a combo”. While he packed everything, he asked if she was around. She told him that she was from KwaMakhutha. As the boy was from there the conversation became smooth sailing. They exchanges landlines.

That evening he went home thinking a lot about that day’s events. Were they falling in love? Should he call her on the very same day? Mary sat by the telephone waiting for it to ring. But there was nothing. Only the next day the telephone rang. They talked for hours. Finally he said, “I will see you on Saturday my love.” A voice on the other side said,”Goodnight my sweetheart”

It was a long way from Tuesday to Saturday. Their conversation stopped them from talking. Their date was on Saturday and only then they speak.

Saturday came. The hearts were eager to meet each other. The mat and basket he was carrying were soon on the grass. They hugged eagerly. They sat down and stared at each other. Soon they kissed and kissed. They did not stop. Hands were all over the place both sides. There was moaning. There was excitement. Panties were down and they realised on old white man was staring at them. The mood dampened. They laughed at each other when got up. He took his guiding stick and went. The man was blind of course.

They refreshed their meeting. The honeymoon was on. Who had time to wait for another day. It was nice they met, kissed, touched and made sweet love. Unforgettable experience. The boy had moves. The girl knew how to welcome someone. They were an official couple. Finally…..

Yes they both agreed a couple of months. They were ready. Time waits for no one. How many men or women do you have to ride before you know it. A day was arranged to meet the boys family. With us until you get married you are a boy. Older people will use you for this and that.

The boy was having a true stall by now. He was driving a bakkie. He used it for work and personal stuff. It was a red van from Toyota. On that day, he opened the door for her. He returned to the driver’s seat and the car was on the road.

At the boy’s home everybody was there. Introductions were made. Everyone was happy. Mary, the girlfriend had to answer questions about her. It seemed everyone was happy with her. She was smart. She was kind in every way you can think of.

Wedding

When two people are in love, to stay close to each other and engage, wedding is the way to go. Preparations were made.

Lobola ( Dowry) was paid. The Dowry process differ from people to people. Others are believed not to pay Dowry. With black people, this is the time when families get to gift each other. These meetings help them to know each other well.

All of this lead to one day. The wedding day. The beautiful day in the life of a woman and man as well. Music is part of this celebration. There is food and drinks. At the end when the couple is tied together, everyone go their way. Eventually they are two.

Happiness goes way to the hotel or wherever. This is supposed to be the first time these two meet in bed. Unfortunately their real honeymoon was at the beginning of Umjolo or rather dating.

Then comes the big one

Marriage

All the roads lead here. This place depends on the state of the couple. Some already have children of their own. Some have children from earlier marriages. Others from different people they met before. These situations bring problems. Baby mamas and dad’s would want to contact each of you in connection with their kids. This means you splitting up your time between your partner and many other people. Sometimes in your meetings the bodies remember and can’t hold back.

There is another problem. You carry the debt of your wedding day into your marriage. This means that before enjoying marriage you have to deal with the aftermath of your wedding. Unfortunately there are demands of your marriage and this needs you to mix wedding debts with marriage demands. This leads to sleepless nights. There are constant fights between you and a couple.

You sometimes think of your wedding day. The reality of the marriage helps you understand that a wedding and marriage are two different things.

Whether you buy the house through the bank or you built it, it does not matter. Monthly payments are consistent causing stress. At first you become happy with the arrangement but then it becomes too much. Your not too new car demands repairs all the time.

The survival of the marriage depends on how approach your problems.

Photos by Google

Ukukhuphula (Ancestral communication)

November 20, 2025Uncategorizedadmin

Introduction

From birth a special child is already chosen. Within the same family all childreen can be chosen for various reasons. This or these chosen children are most backward children of all of the children. Their progress is seen in the progress of their siblings. If they have to have much money, they are bound to desert those who chose them. This calls for bigger hearts of them. They must be bigger people. They should be happy for the progress of other children. Not that they are not progressive. Their progress is seen in the way their ancestors lived. They live in a certain set of rules. They are expected to be in constant communication with past parents of parents.

This is done in certain way. I have experienced three ways of lives. And these are:

Christianity

Tribal aka Traditional

Combination of both

Communicating with ancestors can be a choice. It can also cost you to do it all. It is called Ukukhuphula in my language. That is to raise the dead to meet the living through the living. It is also called ukufemba. In English it is called Mediumship or verenation. World wide many people do things differently. Whatever we do and how it is done, it all involves the dead. Whether they are from our family lineage or not, the truth remains. They are all dead people.

Take Christians who got their name from Jesus Christ, a once living person on earth. The various traditional tribes exist through the once lived tribes. Some people choose to live by combining both.

The choice of the Process

Ukukhuphula can be done using many processes. This means you have a choice of using izangoma, Shembe, Christianity or whichever Denomination.

Many people do not understand the Christian way of life even though they are hell bent that they are Christians. Jesus came to the world with an important message. He said that his coming did not mean people must completely stop what they knew. It did not mean abandoning their past. They also did not have to stop believing in what they knew. Instead he was to add to what they knew and do.

This is why communicating with ancestors can be done in any way. As long the process includes those who gave us existence, it is A ok. I can be biased but, if you follow me you will see my point. As Christians we are stereotyped. All priests, pastors and leaders of this religious group do every Sunday what Jesus did. Where they differ is in the issue of money. According to Mlungisi Makhanya,we should use Christianity as a stepping stone to communicate with parents and God. Maybe it is because Jesus had one side with proper family lineage. Like a child with a step father. That says Jesus had a biological father. As to who it was, we can only believe because we do not know.

If Jesus were to do Ukukhuphula, it would mean he communicated only with his mother’s side of the family.

I have done almost all processes. I spent years in the church. I even was on my way to priesthood. I learned about the existence of the word belief. You only believe in that you don’t know. No matter what, there are things that their existence happen in your imagination. You can not explain their concept as you don’t know them. All you can do is to believe in them.

A priest, pastor, etc are the same as izangoma. This I say because of their work. I already have opposition. My argument will always be the same. Jesus lived and died. He had a mother and a father. Izangoma according to Mlungisi Makhanya, talk about the living, the lived and relationship between the two. Izangoma talk ukufemba. It is believed everyone is assigned a person in the family lineage that guide us. It is these people that show us the path we must follow. They come to you in the form of visions. These are mostly not easy to understand.

Eventually they become clear and understandable. It is the shame that you do not finish these processes. Some I never finished, myself, because some homes never believe in their parents once they are not before them. That way it is better to practice these beliefs in your home with no disturbances.

Let’s go to the history :

History

What we see today in many areas of life, started many years ago. There are many people who contribute to life as we know it. All we want is to have peace in our homes. For that peace to reign, we all start to go and seek help. This help come in the form of izangoma, Shembe, pastors, priests, prayer agents and many more. A few of these people will tell you the truth. That truth is Umsamo ( Sacred Space used for connecting with ancestors inside the hut.)

Umsamo as a whole has to do with family history and how people follow each other generation after generation. Umsamo is straight meaning good or twisted meaning bad. Good means all ancestors are at peace and so the living are at peace too. Bad means ancestors are at war and as such are the living.

Bavulele grew up believing in the family ancestors. This happened after he saw his father communicating with ancestors. Soon there was no communicating with ancestors. Things fell apart. This did not mean that there was total miscommunication between Bavulele and them. He grew up knowing that the ancestors are there. As he grew older, things began to happen. Thabzoro, his brother took him to consult with izangoma.

There was communication again. Since there was no practices, full communication was not there completely. Whatever happened through Bavulele, happened with no communication with the family. Even though, there was no communication, ancestors continued to be around Bavulele’s life. He kept communicating with them.

In 2012, Bavulele accepted idlozi. On the same day of the acceptance, there was a vision. A man woke up from the red sand near the river. Izangoma interpreted this as a sign of graduation. This led to them accompanying Bavulele home. Goats were slaughtered. Bavulele was soon sent away from home. This was exactly the 4th time. This made Bavulele go out of the way. His father died before he came home. He was sent away from home. He was invited to go and build a house at his ancestral home. He delayed that because he wanted to get married first.

In 2018 he was introduced to the new site. Building a house was never easy. The house renting made things not easy. Bavulele and his wife took to his wife home. Things went hard with the elders, ancestors. Bavulele got problems. At the very same time Bavulele’s sister’s child was having problems of her own.

That led her to search for help. Eventually she found herself help in the form of Shembe.

Shembe process

When Bavulele’s niece went to do Ukukhuphula, Bavulele’s grandfather appeared through the medium. He asked that they be built a shelter( traditional hut). They also asked for the older person than her. She went for Bavulele’s brother. He made a promise to do as they asked. Unfortunately alcohol took over. When she went back they were angry at her. They sent for the older person the second time. Again she asked for Bavulele’s sister. They talked to her. They guided her towards Bavulele. Thanks she saw the light.

Bavulele came to the party. Only it was not your usual party. Bavulele met his mother’s grandmother first. She scolded Jim for deserting them. She also pointed him to the fact that, she gave him a job as inyanga from which he absconded. They talked about rebuilding the surname and find Bavulele’s mother’s surname.

After her came Bavulele’s great grand father. He engaged with them on the topic of bring them into the hut. He made his demands. He told them to go and discuss the procedure. He asked them to leave everything to Bavulele to draw the plan. When they were ready they went to give the report. Instead of meeting the earlier great grandfather, they met the old one. He made his own demand too.

All the requirements were bought. From Shembe’s Nazareth clothes, ubhoko (sharp stick), amabheshu(but covering calf skin), liquor, food, etc. Finally the day came. The procession began from Bavulele’s home to the old house and back to Bavulele house. Goats were slaughtered. On the next day , the feast began.

It was a great event. Everyone made a contribution. To Bavulele no contribution was greater than the other.